3. Rewinding the Clock (Part 2)

Now that I was working 7 days a week on top of band practice and trying to spend time with my son I felt that I didn't have time to spend with my family, my friends, no "me" time (in hindsight this was extremely selfish and I should have been focusing on the blessings I was provided).  Then end of 2010 and beginning of 2011 was a "trying" time.  I was living with my brother and his family (they were kind enough to take me in after my son's mother and I split) and I began to feel confined.  Again I felt I had no time to myself, no privacy, no outlet so I began to drink and loneliness and depression set in.  During this time my brother and his longtime girlfriend married (congratulations to them) but I was too self-absorbed to truly be happy for them.  The start of 2011 provided its own obstacles.  The band my brother and I were apart of began to split, we lost our practice space due to finances and non committal attitudes by certain members (myself included), my brother was attempting to start a business and I was still working 7 days a week.  I'd like to take this moment and reflect that in all of this "turmoil" the Lord was working everything out for all of us involved.  I couldn't get over my depression and in the midst of this change, my anger, impatience, frustration all reared their ugly heads and I considered taking my life.  I felt that I was doing no good to my son since I never spent any time with him, my jobs had become stagnant, the band was falling apart, and I had resorted to drinking (something I had fought to stop a while earlier...long before this story).  I had put myself in a hole and I saw no way out, I wanted out but just couldn't see it.  I became scared, angry, resentful and in the middle of all of this, for the first time in my life, I prayed.  I truly prayed, I laid my heart open to the Lord.  I couldn't go through with life or death and I prayed to the Lord to give me an answer, a direction, a hint...anything.  And He did.