8. Dawn of a New Day

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Matthew 6:34 (NIV)

As the title of the post states today was the dawn of a new day.  The Lord has been gracious and wonderful in His provisions over the course of the weekend.  I met with the owner of the catering company and received compensation for the two days I spent there, which was just what I needed to make sure my rent was covered.  I was also invited back to continue helping for a couple days a week.  The Lord gave me an answer to the question of the job as well, this job is to help supplement but it is not where the entirety of my time should be dedicated too.  Over the last two weeks as I share this story with people it has been brought up several times that what I'm doing is as some have said "crazy".  I just want to share a little more of my situation so the picture is a little clearer.  As I said I am a single father, I get to see my son every other weekend and once during the week.  I live by myself and handle all of my own finances and bills (in the sense that I am a single income, because we know the Lord provides the finances).  At this point I am completely dedicated to this walk with the Lord and should I fail it is because I did not listen and obey when the Lord called and spoke.  Yes this might sound crazy but we have to remember that faith will fly in the face of human rationale and reasoning.  We don't know what will happen therefore we have to depend on the Lord to guide and provide for us.  The scripture quote from Matthew indicates that we should only worry about the problems we face today as tomorrow will present its own set of a problems maybe some old and some new but who knows.  When we trust in the Lord and believe and have faith that He will provide for our needs then our worry, doubt, and fear begin to subside and the problems of today and tomorrow grow dim.  This is just my opinion of course but I am experiencing this day by day.  The Lord has renewed my strength, my mind, my heart, and my faith.  Thank you Lord for all of the blessings you have poured out on me and your people, may we continue to be moved by your Holy Spirit and guided closer to You and Your Son Jesus Christ.

Amen

7. The Final Hours

I have had time to reflect on my life over the course of the last year.  This was an abridged version again for the reader and I thank you for your time.  The Lord has not quite given me my next step, I did receive a response from the catering company checking what my availability is.  So over the course of this weekend once I have left my current job and can no longer turn back I will pray to the Lord for guidance and to provide an answer.  If it is the Lord's will to continue with the catering company than I will follow, if it happens to be something else that has not yet been revealed than I will follow.  I trust in the Lord my God, my Savior for He has provided all that is good and will never let me fail.  As I follow I will look to the Lord for guidance, protection, awareness, and help.  I hope you will continue to follow with me as I walk with the Lord on this journey.  I will update this blog as these events unfold and I leave you with one of my favorites scriptures:

"Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge"
Psalm 62:8 (NIV)

Amen

6. Two Days in the Desert

This is a conversation I had with one of my co-workers after going to the catering company and trying it out.  I have omitted the names and unimportant conversation out of respect for my co-worker and the reader.

 

I was helping out at this catering company the past couple of days.

7:31

I see how you are, taking time off to make money!

7:32

It wasn't that at all, I'm not worried about the money.  A couple of people at my church run a catering couple and word got around to them that I was leaving my current position so they approached me to help for a couple of days to see if I liked it

Turns out it was a test

7:36 AMWright, Jonathan

I was told to go by the Lord, it wasn't my decision

7:38 AMGrover, Kristoffer

I know how that feels, that's why I moved back here from Idaho.  Apparently He wants me to be poor

7:39

Haha that's not it at all.  Like I said I was being tested the past couple of days and I was given my answer last night

7:40

Well that is good

7:47

I'm going to share it with so you'll know.  During the catering gigs I felt like I was failing, my cooking wasn't up to my standard and I felt like I wasn't doing anything right.  I have probably prayed more in the past two days than I have in the past two months.  I was praying for the Lord to be with me and help but it was coming from a state of frustration, impatience, and anger.  Therefore my prayer was completely unfocused and I was working long hours so I'm two days behind on my Bible study.  That is the devil at work, he excels at chaos and distraction.  I was praying while being distracted.

7:48

But you were still praying!

7:53

Well last night after band practice, I play keyboard in the music ministry for my church, I spoke to both of my pastors last night.  I had been praying for the Lord to be with me and help me.  He's been doing that all along therefore I was praying for an answered prayer.  What I should have been doing was asking the Lord what he wanted me to do at this new place he has put me in order to further his church, his name, and his glory.  A lot of times we don't understand what or why we are put in certain situations.  The Lord is all seeing and all knowing he has plans for all of us, but when we get distracted by work, finances, stress, anger, frustration the devil will use that against us.  So we need to pray to Lord to help guide us and open our eyes to see what he has called us to do to further his glory.  In asking, the Lord will answer and he will guide us through.  I don't think I'm done yet at this catering place but now the Lord has blessed me with one more tool to I can use to reach out to him to have him guide me.

7:57

Awesome, He said knock and I will answer, we just need to ask.  He is constantly teaching us so sometimes we need to learn to ask the right questions.  Its great insight.

8:03

As my pastor put it God is not a God of silence unless we're asking the wrong the questions.  So when we approach things we need to remember to turn God and ask God to show us how we can bless and glorify his name in what we are doing.  And we have to remember to be aware of the deceiver, he will do what he can to come between us and the Lord so when we step out in Faith we must ask the Lord to protect and to guide us.  These insights were shared with me so that I may share them with my fellow believers and that we may grow stronger in our Faith and that our Lord can be glorified.  He's working on all of us, we just need to be accepting of what he will ask (and sometimes command) us to do and have Faith that the Lord will see us through the good, and "bad".

 

In two days I had reverted back to the person I was a year ago.  I still leaned on the Lord for help but I was unfocused and approaching the Lord for help from a point of self centeredness.  As I walk this path I know the Lord will guide me and protect me, He catches us when we fall, He helps us when He asks, He guides us when we're lost.   

5. The Walk with God Begins

As I have been able to grow in my faith and be a part of the Lord's work through his music ministry I have continued to grow in my prayer.  About three or four months ago as I was praying I prayed for the Lord to use me to bring his people closer to Him.  At the beginning of October I was prompted, convicted, and/or commanded by the Lord to leave my current job position.  I wouldn't call it a dream or a vision because I was not necessarily asleep at the time this happened.  Imagine yourself sitting or standing in the middle of a very busy airport terminal or mall.  There is just constant movement and commotion.  In the midst of all of this a voice tells you "you need to leave your job" and without hesitation, without question of who or where it came from you respond "I know".  That was how I was prompted.  Now keep in mind I enjoy what I do, and with all of my financial responsibilities I have no human reason to leave my job without having another one lined up.  The morning after this came to me I was so moved by the messages I was hearing on the radio, by the way I felt and how strongly this "vision/dream"stayed with me that I broke down and cried.  My doubt and fear were staring me in the face, how could I just walk away without being given the next step.  Why would I be called to do something so ridiculous.  Because faith fly's in the face of human reasoning and rationale.  Needless to say I started to drag my heels, I wouldn't couldn't move without being told the next step.  I tried to find every excuse not to leave, but everyone I talked to over the course of the week my pastor's, my brother, my co-workers.  All signs pointed to "You have to do this, you have to have faith and trust in the Lord".  Now when God calls we are supposed to respond immediately but He know's all of us inside and out.  He's knows that with some of us (myself included) He needs to call several times.  We are on God's timetable and we don't know what that timetable is.  I responded after I got what I felt was my last call.  I turned in my two notice and resignation letter, within a couple of days I was called by a catering company to come down and check out the operation and help out.

4. From Past to Present

The Lord began to work in small ways for me (keep in mind I was still blind to His works).  My brother and his wife began having trouble with the house they were trying to purchase, which in turn had them looking for other places to move.  They were provided with a house that was perfect for them, the catch was that it had one less bedroom and was a little smaller than the house they were currently in.  So I had to start looking for a place of my own.  With two jobs I qualified for an apartment, this wasn't any apartment, it was a complex that was centralized to everywhere I wanted to be, affordable in relation to the size and location of the apartment (thank the Lord for His blessing).  I went from being a contracted employee to being hired full time.  The car I was driving began to be repaired slowly but surely and the parts were affordable and the repairs went better than with any car I had driven before.  Thanks to the Lord our Great provider.  Unfortunately I began to slip again, I was still working 7 days a week not getting much sleep and still not spending the time with my son that I should have been.  I began to pray more and more even though I was still very new to faith, God, and prayer.  I began to be hassled by certain management members at my part time job to the point were I put in my two week notice.  I didn't think I could afford living with just one job but I began to grow in my faith.  When I told my son's mother of leaving the part time job she inquired how I was going to afford his new daycare, insurance, supplies for the baby, my apartment...and my response for the first time ever was "I have faith that the Lord will provide."  Within a couple of weeks of leaving my part time job I began to attend what is now my church (Thank you again to the Lord for bringing here).  I was approached by our music minister to play on the worship team, as he found out that I play the piano and had been taking lessons to clear the cobwebs.  So I joined the worship team and have enjoyed the fellowship and friendship ever since then.  I am now able to get my son every other weekend (after working the schedule out with his mom) and I have been able to spend quality time with him to the point were I feel I can accept when he calls me "daddy".  I have been able to pay my rent, the daycare, insurance, my bills, and have started to donate to my church with just one income.  And the Lord provided me with a wonderful woman who cares for me, encourages me, and accepts me for who I am.  All this has been provided by the Lord and I thank the Lord for all of His blessings big and small.

3. Rewinding the Clock (Part 2)

Now that I was working 7 days a week on top of band practice and trying to spend time with my son I felt that I didn't have time to spend with my family, my friends, no "me" time (in hindsight this was extremely selfish and I should have been focusing on the blessings I was provided).  Then end of 2010 and beginning of 2011 was a "trying" time.  I was living with my brother and his family (they were kind enough to take me in after my son's mother and I split) and I began to feel confined.  Again I felt I had no time to myself, no privacy, no outlet so I began to drink and loneliness and depression set in.  During this time my brother and his longtime girlfriend married (congratulations to them) but I was too self-absorbed to truly be happy for them.  The start of 2011 provided its own obstacles.  The band my brother and I were apart of began to split, we lost our practice space due to finances and non committal attitudes by certain members (myself included), my brother was attempting to start a business and I was still working 7 days a week.  I'd like to take this moment and reflect that in all of this "turmoil" the Lord was working everything out for all of us involved.  I couldn't get over my depression and in the midst of this change, my anger, impatience, frustration all reared their ugly heads and I considered taking my life.  I felt that I was doing no good to my son since I never spent any time with him, my jobs had become stagnant, the band was falling apart, and I had resorted to drinking (something I had fought to stop a while earlier...long before this story).  I had put myself in a hole and I saw no way out, I wanted out but just couldn't see it.  I became scared, angry, resentful and in the middle of all of this, for the first time in my life, I prayed.  I truly prayed, I laid my heart open to the Lord.  I couldn't go through with life or death and I prayed to the Lord to give me an answer, a direction, a hint...anything.  And He did.

2. Rewinding the Clock (Part 1)

As I stated in the first blog every story has a beginning.  A little over a year ago (Sept 2010) My older brother and I were involved in a car accident on the SR-51 on our way to band practice.  At this point we were both involved in a secular band and our practice space was near downtown Phoenix.  Hindsight is always 20/20 and now I am able to thank the Lord that no one was injured and the only thing that was wrecked was my vehicle.  Of course at the time I was extremely angry and frustrated having recently lost my job and now having wrecked my car.  Now like many of us have a tendency to do I asked "why does this always happen to me?", and "what did I do to deserve this?".  The Lord was all ready at work trying to call me, but I was deaf and blind to the call.  I had always said I was an independent person and now the Lord had pushed me to the point of having to depend on other's for help and guidance (again I was deaf and blind and only now can I see this, and I'm probably still not quite getting it for it is the Lord's plan).  My best friend since high school and older brother found me a vehicle within a week which the Lord guided them to, and the Lord provided not one but two job's, one part time and one full time both of which paid well for the positions I was given.  I was able to purchase the car with money left over to make some minor repairs and pay for all of the registration fees that go along with a car.  At the time I had said it was just "good luck", it was the beginning and I didn't even realize it.

1. Guided By Faith

As with all stories there is a beginning and an introduction to the characters.  At the age of 26 I am a single father of a wonderful and handsome 2 year old son (as of this writing he is 2), part of the music ministry of my local church (I play keyboards/piano), and am currently in a committed relationship with a wonderful and intelligent woman that inspires and encourages me.  This blog/journal is not intended to be a way for me to complain about the world and the little things that might irk me.  This is intended to share the story of my walk with our Lord God, Jesus Christ our Savior, and the Holy Spirit as they guide me to where it is I should be to better serve and praise them.  I pray that those who read this will approach this with an open mind, an open heart, and be inspired to turn to the Lord who is here to guide us, love us, forgive us, and strengthen us.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"
-Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)